im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
