i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
