if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
