So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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