i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
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