I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
