cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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