Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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