i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
