I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
