he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
It's shark week go big or go home
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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