Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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