If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
