I bet he comes in French.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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