if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
