I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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