Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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