is your mom at the bar?
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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