You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
apparently the secret to your success is patron
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
