As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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