You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Randomize