Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
