have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
