I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
