What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize