Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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