so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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