You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
