Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize