Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
