I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
