KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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