your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
