i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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