It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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