I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
i think my cat just said my name.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
