you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
