Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
