Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
