god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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