He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I skipped work to stalk him.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
