I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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