In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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