youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Randomize
