did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
