hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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