She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
