Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Bring me that man meat
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
