Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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