i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
