how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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