ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
