Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize