Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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