I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
