No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
