If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
The air taste purple.
Randomize
