a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
What a dumb baby whore.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
