well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize