I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
