Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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