My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
