i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Randomize
