Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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