I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
