she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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