I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
