a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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