my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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